Couple Counseling

Couple Counseling

Couple counseling is meant for solving the problems between two persons who are in relationship (married or otherwise). These relationship problems may involve individual symptoms or psychological problems in one or both the partners. These problems may involve other relationship conflicts too. Couple counseling is different from individual counseling as relationship is the focus of attention instead of one individual diagnosed with specific psychological problem.

In couple counseling, the psychologist helps the couple identify the conflict issues within their relationship and helps create changes that are needed in the behavior of each partner and in the relationship so that both the partners feel satisfied with the relationship.

Stages in Couple Counseling:

There are three basic stages in couple counseling – 

1. Stage One      –  Exploration

2. Stage Two    – Understanding

3. Stage Three    – Action

Stage ONE- Exploration:

This is the stage when the counselor has to follow non-judgmental and empathetic approach. He has also to use the technique of active listening in this exploration process 

Steps in Exploration:

Step 1- Intake Procedure: At this stage, basic information about the age, residence, educational qualifications, date of marriage or beginning of relationship is recorded. 

Step 2- Ascertaining what help the clients need: The counselor should first try to ascertain what sort of help the couple wants because that is the starting point of all counseling.

Step 3- Details and duration of the problem: The next step is to explore the specific details of the problem and for how long has it been troubling the couple. 

Step 4- Precipitating and Aggravating factors: This is very important aspect of exploration for counseling. The key to the counseling lies in ascertaining what factors cause precipitation of the problem. It needs to be ascertained what dispute or disagreement exists between both the partners, and what factors, in their view, cause the precipitation of the problem or aggravate it. The Counselor must indulge in deep non-judgmental exploration at this stage as any error of judgment at this point can lead to the failure of the whole counseling. It may be advisable to interview the partners separately during this exploration exercise.

 Step 5- Over all picture: The last step in Exploration is to ascertain: 

(i)     As to how the partners interact with each other. 

(ii)     What is the social, cultural and family background of each partner?

(iii)     What is the status of physical and mental health of each partner?

(iv)     Are there any legal proceedings between these partners? 

(v)     Is there any third party involvement in the case?

Stage 2- Understanding:  

The reasons for conflict between the partners are often hidden at unconscious level. Thus, one partner may not know exactly what behavior is acceptable or unacceptable, what roles one proper or improper, and what emotions are welcome or unwelcome so far as the other partner is concerned.

The counselor often uses the technique of “Transference” for digging into the client's unconscious mind. Transference is when someone redirects their feelings about one person onto someone else. The counselor causes the one partner to share his experiences with the counselor and the client transfers all his anger and hostility for his spouse/ partner to the counselor. 

The counselor thus identifies the hidden reasons for conflict and makes the client aware of the same. Then the counselor explains to the client how thoughts and feelings that are not conscious can influence their relationship. After this process of understanding the root cause of conflict, we move on to Stage Three.

Stage Three: Action. 

Many clients may have enough understanding of their problem at Stage Two and may hence be able to modify their behaviors appropriately. But in most, cases, this 3rd Stage is concerned with the actions that need to be taken as a result of understanding gained by the Counselor as well as the client in the  2nd stage.

Three main techniques used at 3rd stage are: (1) Communication (2) Genogram, and (3) sculpting. Each of these steps is discussed below: 

(i) Communication: Usually the lack of communication can be one reason for the relationship having become problematic and distancing of partners from each other. If adequate and appropriate communication is re-established or re-created, this can prove to be an effective solution to solve the problem between the two partners. Counselor has a great role in encouraging both the partners to re-engage with each other and re-examine the unconscious pre-conceptions which might have become the cause of discomfort is their mutual relationship.

(ii) Use of Genogram: Genogram is a diagram which represents the family of both the partners in the form of a tree. It includes the parents of the couple, their siblings, previous relationships and their children and grandchildren if any. In this technique, genogram is shown to the couple for a careful and sympathetic exploration. This exercise brings out attitudes, experiences and beliefs of the clients since their birth and they get to know how these have presently affected their relationship in an unconscious way.

(iii) Sculpting: Sculpting is merely a visual extension of genogram. Instead of a picture on paper as in a genogram, sculpting involves creating a visual representation of the family and relationships of both the partners using simple objects like stones, coins and buttons etc. This is a slightly more effective tool as compared to a genogram and serves the same purpose, i.e., allowing both the partners to be the difference in perception of the instant problem by both the partners.

In a net shell, the basic purpose of couple counseling is to enable each partner to see the problem from the perception of the other partner so that prejudices based on unconscious perceptions can be removed.